The first 22 minutes of this episode was Rose Ceremony spill over from last week, and the tone of this godforsaken ritual was rife with drama, anxiety, and frustration, thanks to this season’s resident racist/singer-songwriter, Lee.
Lee drunkenly admits that duh, he loves pissing people off and offers advice on how to successfully drive someone up a wall: just laugh at them. Noted. If you weren’t already #teamdean, you have been primed to be head over heels for him by ABC as of the first portion of this episode. Dean confidently states in the confession cam that he thinks Lee is an intolerant idiot.
Dean: The people I see Lee picking fights with are not the people that he’s used to seeing on a daily basis from a cultural perspective.
Producer: What do you mean?
Dean: You know exactly what I mean when I say that.
ABC knew what the fuck they were doing when they brought Lee onto this show. They knew about his tweets, and by bringing him onto this show they are exploiting the Blackness of Rachel and her Black suitors. They couldn’t leave well enough alone and let basics be basics and just let a girl live. The strategy of using Dean to highlight how vile Lee is relies solely on the fact Lee is a racist dick. Yeah, this makes Dean our favorite, but Jesus get this racist out of here and let’s find out how wonderful Dean is in another way. Based on these now deleted tweets from Rachel, I am dying to hear what she has to say once this is all said and done. I hope she writes a book that tears this franchise apart. They are using racism to drive viewership and make more money. Fuck. Ing. What. The. Fuck.
Brady, Jack Stone and Dean discuss Lee’s terrible personality and Brady offers some unhelpful advice about everyone having their little corks, or is it quarks, or is it quirks? Stick to modeling, Brady.
Lee drunkenly interrupts Kenny to score a second chit chat sesh with Rachel where he unemotionally describes how his grandfather got cancer and it was sad, but BONUS he scored grandaddy’s pocket knife and used it to scrawl the word “enchanting” on a small, shitty, two by four piece of wood for her. I want a close-up of that in a fire pit later this season.
ABC also produces this portion of the show to highlight that there are two white guys who refuse to engage in the drama: Bryan and Peter. Rachel gets vulnerable and admits to Bryan that his slick dick charm scares the shit out of her and questions what the hell is he going to be like IRL? Peter shares that he is actively avoiding large groups and heated conversations.
Rachel is clearly over all of the games that she is forced to play, and it’s only week 4. She gets emotional in the confession cam and tells us that she feels a lot of pressure and is stressed thinking about how people are going to judge her. I can’t help but wonder if fears she is going to be shamed by the Black community for being forced to keep Lee on this show as a way to maintain viewership, because after all she’s a pawn in ABC’s game (cue Disney music). Every single season of this show there is a villain and there’s the self-righteous wannabe hero. This season Lee is clearly the villain, but this entire dynamic has been taken to a new level with very overt racism. I am glad they aren’t vilifying a black man, but I am disgusted that the villain had to be a racist. It was rough to watch Rachel get emotional and tell the producer, who I can only assume is white, that they have no idea what it’s like to be in her situation. They don’t. And neither do I. I wonder how much she knew they were going to play all of this up when she signed on to be the bachelorette? The real seal of the deal for me was when she gave Lee the very last rose and had to say goodbye to Diggy, someone who did not get enough screen time and is an absolute delight on social media. Rachel hugs Brady goodbye, whatever. She hugs Bryce goodbye, nice knowin’ ya. She then holds onto Diggy just a little bit longer. Her lips were hidden by his neck and shoulders as she hugs him, but you can see her face moving as she says something privately to him. I am hopeful it was something along the lines of, “Lee is Satan incarnate, and I am so sorry that I have to let you go and keep him. You are more of a man than Lee will ever be. You are a gorgeous, kind, worthy black man and do not let this plant any seed of doubt in your beautiful brain. Now go buy some dope kicks.”
Farewell to Brady the male model, Bryce the long lashed firefighter (see above), and Diggy the sneaker head. We are now down to 15 men, and we are off to Hilton Head, South Carolina.
Date Card: Our love is about to take off…
Well of course Lee hating Deanie Baby is the winner of the 1:1 date in Hilton Head. Before Dean gets the good news we see classic footage of the lucky 15 suitors cruising around in golf carts, plugging the resort to the sucked in audience, jumping on beds, and screaming Rachel’s name from the balcony overlooking the ocean.
Dean and Rachel hop in a Jeep and ride over to some random field to have a “picnic,” but seconds later the Good Year Blimp shows up. Oddly enough, Rachel had just revealed how she was fascinated with blimps as child. Dean tries to hold it together but honestly, he is shitting himself that they are about to blimp it up. Rachel is quite calm considering this deleted scene from the last time she was up in the air. Speaking of deleted scenes, here’s another one from Dean’s 1:1 in which we learn what Rachel’s dream job is. HINT: IT’S NOT AN ATTORNEY.
The real treasure of this 1:1 occurred post blimp while Dean and Rachel had a heart to heart beneath a magical willow tree with dangling big bulb garden lights, chandeliers and lanterns. Rachel is intrigued by Dean, but she is a little apprehensive because he’s the youngest guy in the house (he’s 25 years old, Rachel is 32). She wants to know if he is actually ready to settle down and have a family. At just the right moment Dean asks Rachel about her upbringing. She shares that she grew up in a strict, religious house, and that her parents have been married for 38 years. She serves up the same question to Dean, and he tells her that he grew up in household where religion and being outside in nature played a big role in his upbringing. He then goes on to share that his mother passed away when he was 15. His mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when Dean was nine and she went into remission. The cancer unfortunately came back and ultimately was the cause of her death. Through choked back tears and nervous laughter he opens up about this painful experience and describes his mother as the strongest woman he knows. Rachel attentively listens, and Dean ends his heartbreaking story by admitting that he has never shared this personal pain with anyone before, and that despite his family falling apart after his mother’s death he is excited to have his own family and become a father. Rachel’s eyes lit up. Dean’s vulnerability and ability to have an emotional conversation has just made him even more loveable and positively more human, something that keeps us coming back for more. His sob story is actually touching and real, and maybe I am a sucker but I bought it. I believe that it was hard for him to share that part of himself. Even his bio feels honest, and yeah maybe people won’t like his bible tattoos, or him referencing his late mother, but his answers feel true to who he is (read: flaming hot cheetos). I am excited to see more of Dean. To round out this intense emotional conversation, Rachel whisks Dean away to dance on a platform surrounded by white tweens while Russel Dickerson (who?!) sings this. Oh, and duh, he got the rose.
Date Card: I want to see who’s ready for commitment.
Featuring: Alex, Anthony, Peter, Bryan, Jonathon the Tickle Monster, Adam, Matt, Kenny, Lee, Iggy, Eric, Will, and Josiah
This lame-o group date started off with these 13 jabronis taking a boat cruise. The guys stripped down to show off their cut torsos, Josiah flexed his pecs for the camera, and also did 20 push-ups with Rachel on his back. He said he could do 30. I’m still waiting. There was a cringe worthy dance off, and vom worthy freestyle session. Kenny can spit for sure, but then Peter gave it a shot…Kenny was more like a friendly, mission-driven Marshall Matters with a heart of gold and Peter was totally off beat and came off like Stuart Little’s human big brother attempting to sing original lyrics to the tune of Row, Row, Row Your Boat. Peter used the word “fart” and described Rachel as “a girl from the hood” in his “rap.” Pete and Repeat were on a boat, Pete fell off and we all apologized for his performance on his behalf…
After this dumbass boat thing Rachel tells the guys that there’s MORE!!!! Surprise. It’s a fucking spelling bee in front of an all white audience, and the judges are three 12-year-old white girls. We are not blind ABC. You trying to tell me that there were no Black South Carolinians who wanted to watch this horrific spelling bee? Another example of blatant disregard for the members of the Black community who want to be involved in Rachel’s season and are continuously shown they can’t sit with ABC.
Honestly this date was even worse than Nick Viall taking his lesser women to the Museum of Broken Relationships. The men are asked to spell words like squirt (are you serious?), coitus, façade, physiological, polyamorous, boutonniere (come the fuck on), and stunning. Josiah wins the spelling bee after using this event as a platform to be the most obnoxious man on the planet. He has the pleasure of taking home a trophy which he uses as a goblet for the gathering after the group date. Obviously this gets messy and his whiskey ends up in his crotch.
Peter gets some screen time during the after party. He “romantically” pulls Rachel aside for some white wine. They have the conversation about would you move for a significant other AGAIN just like they did on their 1:1. Rachel admits that she is licensed to practice in Wisconsin just FYI.
Iggy walks arm and arm with Rachel and asks, “How you doin, sweetie?” Iggy is very shades of a 40 year old managing a 25 year old at a start-up where they work hard/play hard and there’s sexual tension but he doesn’t act on it because he’s married and has kids and he’s a good guy and would never cheat on his wife so he acts out his pent up sexual energy in a strange daddy/manager type of way…You know? He uses his time with Rachel to share that he questions if Josiah is here for the right reasons. Isn’t Lee the bigger issue here, Iggy? Josiah is sauced from his whiskey goblet and as a throwaway line he blurts to the producers that Iggy has confessed to the guys that he shoots steroids into his balls. Good to know.
Bottom line, Lee is still the problem. He is conniving and devilishly stirring the pot to rile up Kenny. Kenny is handling this totally fucked up dynamic like a fucking champ considering Lee is waiting to pounce on any move Kenny makes and label it as aggressive. This is sickening. There’s the whole lawyer back and forth where Rachel has a private meeting with Lee and then Kenny so she can get the story straight. I admire that Rachel is keeping it professional by trying to understand the facts, but I’m also so pissed that she can’t DeMario Lee’s ass. Lee keeps “yes ma’am”-ing Rachel and Rachel is all set with that, as am I. Kenny feels defeated and pissed, and we are set up to feel nothing but rage as the previews reveal these two will go head to head in a 2:1 date next week.
“Lee is an alternative facts piece of garbage. He’s a reptilian piece of garbage.”
– Kenny on Lee
Kenny for Prez,